Well I dont know where to start, I just got home after a 1 and a half month long trip to the States and UK.. it sounds very exiciting and to be honest it is (was) but only in pieces and died quickly. There is no place like home is a phrase which i now know the real meaning of .
US was easy going fun place which seemed intriguing for the first 3-4 days and then it settled. I found the people very helpful in contrast to what I had previously .
They go out of their way to help instead of being loud and rude. I work in an american company and have had the 'pleasure' of dealing with them a lot but its different to interact with them in their own country.
UK was a lot more fun .. lot of culture..fun places which werent loud..pity I was only there for a short time.
Enough about places, here comes the real thing. I had a nightmare one of the nights I was sleeping in the hotel in Phoenix. The details are too personal to share and also obscure because the unconscience does not know of any logic but surely knows how to get the message across.
To give you an idea about what it was, it concerned my family. I woke up short of breath, hollow, shaken up, guilty, sweaty, frozen for good 10 mins until I realised that I have woken up !
Quickly put on the plush robe (given to me by the hotel :)) and went to the balcony to get some air. After a few minutes light up a smoke ..still dazed .. dont know what hit me.
The dream made me realise how much little I had given back to my family over the past years and how they have supported me in my every little mini ambition ... the support had been unconditional , where as I was all about not getting adequate space to do 'my own thing'..
Made feel shit ..unworthy.. I constantly got in the frame of mind to mend things when i get back and suddenly I started missing home like I had never been there and was the sole pupose in my life.
Most of the past decade I had spent head deep into my work, kept my self busy , concentrated on my girlfriends... the fact that i had unconsciously kept my family very low in the priority list never struck me till now.
A confused person that I am , I still dont have an idea how I will make it right . all I know is that I will tilt lot more attention towards my family now.
My 0.2c on this is that whatever your passion in life is dont let family take a back seat. Life is very complicated , ruthless, unforgiveness and there is nothing like family to back you up . I am not saying that stick to family purely for selfish reasons but its the greatest feeling of unconditional belonging that atleast I have come to realise.
Do what you have to and fix this......
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2 comments:
Hi. Been a while since you scratched the blogosphere! I partially gauged this side of yours some time ago. Remember I have mentioned a couple of times to that my dad takes a lot of interest in my career even though he may not really understand what I do. I am sure you remember..All he does is, hears me out and asks some questions. Try it with your folks they probably will do the same. But the 'anchor' effect this conversation has will be immense! It is never too late, throw away the book I gave you. Just transfer that 'read time' to 'face time' with your folks.
And yes, the conversation need not be necessarily about career (and you don't require me to tell you that):->
V.A
Hey there,
We all go through this phase and Guilt is no solution. You are a wonderful son as you care and think about them. That's what matters. You are what you are. And even they know it that you care for them. Family is important and spending time with them is essential. They can be wrong but then somewhere we also go wrong. Space is required but not to the extent that we forget each other. You don't have to feel so bad as you not at fault. This happens. Trivial reasons can form big barriers and its never too late to break them.
ITs great that you are ready t take a stp foward. Remember the day when you wished him Father's Day....he must have been very happy inside. A "How are you n how was your day ?" will do wonders.
Strength of love and compassion holds when weakness knocks the door.
It always finds the way to cover up the hurtful mistakes with some super glue.
A forgive and forget and learn to love again.
Family is one who will be by your side through out your entire life. They are the people who cherish you and turn to you when everything is going wrong. your parents show you how to do the most important things in life which are to love and to be loved. They also give you the chance to do whatever you choose in life without making you do what they want you to. Family is what will always be by your side and you feel that they deserve the most credit for forming the person who to care, to love, and to fight.
Remember that you really are a wonderful son. never doubt it.
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