Away from home

Well I dont know where to start, I just got home after a 1 and a half month long trip to the States and UK.. it sounds very exiciting and to be honest it is (was) but only in pieces and died quickly. There is no place like home is a phrase which i now know the real meaning of .

US was easy going fun place which seemed intriguing for the first 3-4 days and then it settled. I found the people very helpful in contrast to what I had previously .

They go out of their way to help instead of being loud and rude. I work in an american company and have had the 'pleasure' of dealing with them a lot but its different to interact with them in their own country.

UK was a lot more fun .. lot of culture..fun places which werent loud..pity I was only there for a short time.

Enough about places, here comes the real thing. I had a nightmare one of the nights I was sleeping in the hotel in Phoenix. The details are too personal to share and also obscure because the unconscience does not know of any logic but surely knows how to get the message across.

To give you an idea about what it was, it concerned my family. I woke up short of breath, hollow, shaken up, guilty, sweaty, frozen for good 10 mins until I realised that I have woken up !
Quickly put on the plush robe (given to me by the hotel :)) and went to the balcony to get some air. After a few minutes light up a smoke ..still dazed .. dont know what hit me.

The dream made me realise how much little I had given back to my family over the past years and how they have supported me in my every little mini ambition ... the support had been unconditional , where as I was all about not getting adequate space to do 'my own thing'..

Made feel shit ..unworthy.. I constantly got in the frame of mind to mend things when i get back and suddenly I started missing home like I had never been there and was the sole pupose in my life.

Most of the past decade I had spent head deep into my work, kept my self busy , concentrated on my girlfriends... the fact that i had unconsciously kept my family very low in the priority list never struck me till now.

A confused person that I am , I still dont have an idea how I will make it right . all I know is that I will tilt lot more attention towards my family now.

My 0.2c on this is that whatever your passion in life is dont let family take a back seat. Life is very complicated , ruthless, unforgiveness and there is nothing like family to back you up . I am not saying that stick to family purely for selfish reasons but its the greatest feeling of unconditional belonging that atleast I have come to realise.

Do what you have to and fix this......